On Suicide,

Understand this, and you will understand Everything, the man said.



What did he mean?  

Did he mean that by understanding what he said, I would understand more of what he said?  

 Or more of life?  

 Or more of myself?

Or are they all the same?


Is there life after death?  

Is there understanding of soul?  

Is there breath in this weary body, 

 which wants just to sleep, 

 to understand what it means to die, 

 to become one with the cosmos, 

 to be taken in by a Great God, 

  who loves and cherishes him, 

  who enjoys his presence, 

  his body, 

  his trust.


God, I do not wish to die. 

I cannot, yet.  

Why must you make me pray, 

 every night 

that something similar can arrive, 

so that I can escape from this world, 

and understand what it means to go to the Other Side?


Why is there another side?  

Why can there not be only one?  

Alice would have been happier.  

People would have been happier.  

If there was no death, there would be no need for hatred, for fear.  

Do not ask me to explain this.  

If it is not already understood, 

 you are hopeless.


Please understand that I do not wish to become one with the oak.
 

I do not wish to hang for my sins, 

to be burnt in hatred, 

or be stoned in cruelty.


I merely want escape.