RECLAIMING BRETTONIA
Latest Military Strike LEAVES FIFTEEN DEAD
Bretonnian troops and cavalry struck the orc stronghold of
Fell Urgosh yesterday, killing at least fifteen of the vile
beasts and wounding 32 in a day that saw new violence across the
country. Near Abbotside, a cowardly orc raid descended on a cart
carrying new royal military recruits, killing six people, reports
say.
The people were travelling towards Drakelow when they were
ambushed by orcs who opened fire with crude crossbows. Five men
were killed and two others were taken to a local temple of Ire
with serious injuries.
Travelling high gnome scholar Fitzgerald Keats witnessed the
attack from the shelter of some nearby brush, and reported the
attack to authorities.
The military said the Fell Urgosh strikes targeted a meeting
point in the centre of the city, for orcs loyal to the evil
warlord Carn Blood-Eye.
"Intelligence sources reported that orc insurgents were
using the site to plan additional attacks against Brettonian
citizens," the military said.
|
LOCAL BOY MADE BAD, to much delight
Pol Dryvelt didn't win much, but Drakelow loved him just the
same.
Nearly two decades after he first stepped into the wrestling
ring, Del Dryvelt, "The Duke of Drakelow," was doing an
on-camera interview in a Drakelow locker room the late '80s. The
interviewer asked: "What will you ever do if you
win?"
"He didn't think I'd have a comeback," Dryvelt
remembered. "I said: 'Hey, if I ever win a match, I'm going
to retire! The challenge would be ovah! All I gotta do is win one,
and I'm done.' "
Dryvelt first appeared before wrestling crowds in green tights
playing the friendly wood elf. But he always felt he'd be better
as a bad guy, or "heel," and he soon dropped the elvish
garb in favor of black tights, a leather vest, and shoulder-length
bleached blond hair. Rounding out his image was a mostly toothless
bottom gumline (he told fans he lost the teeth in the ring, though
it was actually in an riding accident).
"It looked like I had two fangs," Dryvelt
said. "I would never wear the dentures in the ring. I would
grab an arm and act like I was biting it."
HOMELESS PROBLEM growing
It might be that large box just outside the city gates, or a
glimpse of what looks like a small tent in some brush. They are
signs that the homeless problem is again growing. Many of these
urban nomads suffer from problems with alcohol or have physical
and emotional problems, others just fell on hard times.
This is where the homeless now live. Tucked away in society's
nooks and crannies. Unseen by most of us. Living in places we'd
just rather not look at. Increasingly, though, the homeless have
sought us out.
"I was an innkeeper in Duvik's Pass," said Reggie
Vennette, who's been homeless for five years.
Reggie Vennette is one of a growing number of homeless who work
the street corners of Drakelow looking for handouts. Reggie and a
friend share a corner near The One Armed Monkey, a local tavern
that's very popular amongst fisherfolk and their friends. His
buddy carries the usual sign proclaiming he is hungry and
homeless. Reggie says he prefers a bit more honesty.
Reggie could be putting in his hours on a local ship, instead
of sitting on a bucket on a street corner. He could be making
plenty of gold, living a normal life, but he says he's not
interested.
"I've been independent for so long, that, if I had a
boss-man I'd probably strangle him before the day was
over. You'd think I was a low gnome!"
And on this day, passersby have been generous. What more could
you want?
|
Manhunt launched for THREE ESCAPED
PRISONERS
The Drakelow Watch has launched a manhunt for three prisoners
who escaped from the Lionheart Prison, authorities reported on
Sunday.
Mphumezo Nkwenezi, Ayanda Tom and Bathandwa Ntshodi, recent
immigrants from Ubaya, all aged 19, were arrested for
housebreaking and theft. Correctional services spokesman Evan
Matthews said the prisoners might have escaped through the
Scholarsward around 3pm on Saturday.
Their absence was only noticed during the routine roll call on
Saturday night.
Correctional services Minister Nate Balfour expressed deep
concern at the spate of recent prison breakouts, saying "So far
it's just been regular criminals... what if the mentally deviant
inmates start escaping!?" The minister was expected to visit the
King William's Town prison on Sunday afternoon, say official
reports.
HOUSE AND HOME
CHOOSING WINE
It can be rather daunting wading through the sea of wine
available at the local merchant.
But here to help us pick the best selection is wine expert
Balin Goldhoarder. He talked to a Herald representative this
week.
Herald: What's the biggest difference between a 2s
bottle of wine and a 10g bottle?
Goldhoarder: Go up a notch and experience a better
tasting wine. But you know, 2s will get you a fine mug of
dwarvish ale, which, in my opinion, beats out wine any day.
Herald: Does a less expensive bottle of wine mean it's
of lower quality?
Goldhoarder: You get what you pay for, which isn't
always such a bad thing: I've found some really nice brews in the
back of my icebox on occasion.
Herald: It can be overwhelming to see all the bottles
staring you in the face... How do we make a good selection?
Goldhoarder: Take time and browse through. Ask if anyone
can give you information on a wine. If not, buy several kegs, and
drink them until you make up your own mind. Invite a friend, if
you can't handle the liquor yourself.
Herald: If we are going to a dinner party, what wine
would you suggest?
Goldhoarder: Dinner party? Last time I went to a dinner
party, I brought three kegs of Brownbeard's Best Brew -- it was
the hit of the party!
Herald: Is it best to try different wines to see what
suits a person best?
Goldhoarder: Of course! Drink as much as possible!
It's the only way to gain a true respect for the brew!
|
|
ENTERTAINMENT
ROSE'S BLOOMING
BRIAR Rose, the self-styled pop bitch who wed for the second
time last weekend, is telling friends she is expecting her first
litter, The Herald on Sunday has learned.
A source close to the popular canine singer-songwriter said
last night: "Briar has told only her family and closest
circle that she is pregnant."
The pregnancy, which Rose, 2, has privately admitted, is a
dream come true, and marks the end of a turbulent year for the
pop star.
First she eloped to Damascus with childhood sweetheart Jack of
Hearts, but the marriage failed after just 3 hours, a new record
for celebrity canine nuptuals. She met her new husband, canine
producer Kelvin Effect, in April while he was still involved with
unknown Shocking Pink.
Effect, 3, has reportedly signed a pre-nuptial agreement which
gives him 150g for each year of marriage if he and Rose
split.
NEW RECRUITS NEEDED for Brettonian military!
KING LIONHEART NEEDS YOU!
Come and live the adventure in the army. Openings are always
available, the pay and food is great, and generous pension and
disability benefits are available.
Fight the orc menace, win back Brettonia for Brettonians!
SEWER PROBLEMS continue
Local fortune teller Peggy Mehican was sitting in her basement
workplace and apartment in the North End when, suddenly, her wall
exploded, releasing a geyser of sewage. The force was so severe
that Peggy was thrown across the room by a blast of human
waste.
By the time the Watch arrived, there was two feet of sewage
standing in the room. Another unexplained sewer explosion, and
still, authorities have no answer.
"There was sewage in my soup," Mehican told the
Herald. "Somebody has to do something!"
A bounty of 500g is offered for information leading to
discovering the cause of these mysterious smelly problems.
ALL MERCHANDISE HALF OFF at Brubacher's Harness: Today through Sunday
EVERYTHING MUST GO!
Due to family difficulties, Jim Brubacher is forced to close
his doors forever. But his misfortune is the public's fortune,
with never-before-seen deals on harness and tack!
Come in to Brubacher's, just off the Kingsway, two blocks from
the East Gate. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to purchase
some of Drakelow's best tack at an unbelievable price!
|